There is a time, I must admit, that I hated the world. When I was young, I fended for myself and not a soul knew, nor cared to know, where I was or how I may be doing. My own sister left me when I was but two months. Davira stalked over and slumped down next to Arundel. I was alone. she continued. as time went by though, I did learn how to be alone. I hunted, I found a use for my wings and in time I would teach myself what would be needed. Arundel cast her a look as he poked the remaining embers with a stick. The dragons crimson eyes focused intensely on the barren earth. But, in reality, I didnt think I could force myself to go on much longer. By this time I was roughly a year and not in good shape. Looking back on it now, I surprise myself that a hatchling could have made it alone.
Arundel hugged his knees and rested his head on his arms trying to find a comfortable and warm position. Then Davira focused on Arundel. So years later, Morwen and Shamera came looking for me. Naturally, I had hid myself. Seething, I watched my ill-fated sister as she followed that grim man. I could see the evil that had eaten away at them. This would continue for quite some time, until it became routine. Sensing her prying eyes, Arundel looked up to face them. A far away fire of discontent burned in them.
Then I met you. Davira sighed, another human, was my first reaction. I thought I could use you though, to hide myself; manipulate you. As you did as I had told you, Morwen and Shamera left the area to look elsewhere. Soon after, you were captured. I didnt care at first, but guilt tore at my conscience and I followed you to the prison where I watched for opportunity. To my surprise, you escaped. This is when I began to think you werent just some pathetic human to which I could give a simple thank you and move on. Arundel glanced at her slightly and laid down on his back. Ive realized, she said, that time and time again you have stuck your neck out for me, and Ive done nothing to repay you.
Repay me? Arundel snorted, I dont need you to be in my debt. Youve helped me plenty of times, and youve informed me of true happenings in this world. Besides, friends dont need to repay each other, simply the fact that youve stuck with a pathetic human like me is more than enough the way I see it.
Friends
the dragon breathed out the word with a sense of relief. She leaned her over and flopped Arundels hair with her muzzle. Yes, friends. Her eyes glistened as she looked down at the last glowing ember from their fire and let a grin creep across her scaly lips.













Comments
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"He looked down from his perch to see the battlefield perfectly, the target of his next attack in his morbid game of wills."-Shadow
MBW= Mind Brain Workings. -Balmung284
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"He looked down from his perch to see the battlefield perfectly, the target of his next attack in his morbid game of wills."-Shadow
MBW= Mind Brain Workings. -Balmung284
I hope you'll appreciate what I have to say, however, I only mean it as constructive criticism, please dont be offended because I really do think you and Aubrey are both incredibly talented writers.
There are very few grammatical errors in this, honestly, I cant find any obvious ones, though your sentence structure could possibly be improved on. Maybe try putting a few more commas to separate phrases in your sentences, just so they flow a little better?
The only other criticism I have is of your descriptions, they are amazing, they really are, but they are almost too descriptive. Take for example, The dragons crimson eyes focused intensely on the barren earth straining a look of angst, there is almost too much description in that- it makes it sound as if you are trying too hard to sound, I dont know, professional? I cant find the right word.
Of course, I feel kind of hypocritical because I do exactly the same, and I probably wouldnt pick up on it unless someone pointed it out because I read my own work differently to how other people do, I bet youre the same.
Gosh, I feel so mean, and so posh.
I sound all smart and stuff.
D:
Okay, seriously though, I idolise your talent so please dont think that Im being unfair about my criticisms? You may not agree with me, in which case, you can just disregard my opinion on the matter.
xD <3
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I hate people with discriminatory prejudices.
this is good.
that line you pointed out was something i had changed and was wondering how it would work. I changed it back now.
Thanks!
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"He looked down from his perch to see the battlefield perfectly, the target of his next attack in his morbid game of wills."-Shadow
MBW= Mind Brain Workings. -Balmung284
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98% of the teenage population drinks or has been around alcohol. Put this on your signature if you like bagels.
Click. There will be bubbles.
--
"He looked down from his perch to see the battlefield perfectly, the target of his next attack in his morbid game of wills."-Shadow
MBW= Mind Brain Workings. -Balmung284
--
98% of the teenage population drinks or has been around alcohol. Put this on your signature if you like bagels.
Click. There will be bubbles.
--
"He looked down from his perch to see the battlefield perfectly, the target of his next attack in his morbid game of wills."-Shadow
MBW= Mind Brain Workings. -Balmung284
--
98% of the teenage population drinks or has been around alcohol. Put this on your signature if you like bagels.
Click. There will be bubbles.
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